Call Forwarding

6:10 a.m. — A Mill Flat Road caller said he found a man and a woman sleeping naked in his living room.

Hello? Yes, I’ll hold.

Hi Carol, it’s Donna Perkins. Fine, thanks. Did you hear about Calvin Meadows? It turns out he came home early-

Calvin Meadows. No, that’s Kevin Markham. No, Kevin Markham lives on Marble Road. Calvin is over on Mill Flat. Yes, I’m sure. Calvin. He does something with computers. No, I don’t know. Kevin Markham works with Bud Aldones. No, I haven’t seen Kevin lately. Bud’s fine. We saw him down at Jerry & Bert’s last weekend, getting his usual flapjack stack with bacon and eggs.
But listen! It turns out that Calvin Meadows came home early from some kind of a business trip out of town-

I don’t know where he went. Why, I assume it was a business trip. He wouldn’t take a vacation without Tina. His wife. Tina Porter. Class of 1982 I believe. I wouldn’t know, she doesn’t come to Pot Luck. Blonde. No, not natural. Sharon does her hair and highlights it every six weeks. Beige-blonde, about shoulder length. We should probably call it dirty blonde after what happened. It seems that Calvin came home and-

They live on Mill Flat Road. It’s the white one with the green trim. No, the other one. With the magnolia tree. No, on the left as you’re heading to Wickerton. I agree– the Christmas decor is a bit much. Well, that’s Tacky Tina. Trampy Tina should be her new name.
Anyway, as I was saying. It seems Calvin came home from a business trip a day early-

I guess he flew in. Well, obviously Tina didn’t meet him at the airport. I don’t know if he rented a car and drove home. I imagine he could have driven himself to the airport and back. Tina probably wishes she drove, because when Calvin came home that morning-

Around 6:30. No, I said morning. Well, it’s only a few hours drive from there, so he could have left the night before. Okay, at four in the morning. I have no idea why he’d leave in the middle of the night. Maybe he suspected something was up because he walked in and-

What? No, I can’t hold. Call me when you’re free. I need to tell Patty and Barb about this- it’s big big news! I’m calling Marianne, too. I’ll see you at the Good and Gracious Neighbor Koffee Klatch tomorrow.

Bye.

The Package –

8:09 a.m.— A woman on the 21900 block of Mill Flat Road said a package intended for her was delivered to the wrong address and now the neighbor kids are wearing clothes belonging to the caller’s children.

“Arrrrrck! Arrrrck!” Janice clutched her chest and yelled again “Arrrrck!” She paused in kitchen, angrily shocked, for Ned had not heeded her cries. “Arrrrck!” she squawked again, this time directing her cries to the staircase. No response. She marched to the foot of the stairs, cupped her hands to her mouth and yelped again.

Ned, mid-shave, nearly sliced off his nose. With calm resignation, he padded toward the direction of his wife’s cries. “For God’s sake Janice, what is it?”

Janice would use Ned’s momentary indifference as proof: his slow response meant didn’t love her or the children enough. Punishment would be administered, but only after he salvaged the clothing.